The True Joy of Couseling

After having dreams of drowning in a nice bathtub in a fancy hotel I decided perhaps a bit of counseling might be in order... Before my first appointment, Brian had also died..so my first session was full of tears, and it could of filled any bath tub. I only remember waking up after a crying jig that would scare most of us..
well, it seems in my crying jig I had written to Tony just one line:

I learned today: There all God Damn Dead! We are fucked! ( not a normal email from his little sister to her catholic big brother)

so no memory of even writing to Tony, I went to work the next day, I felt pretty good after a 12 hour cry. Busy doing a high fashion style at work. I look up to see Paul and Tony just standing at the entrance of my station. Smiling, are you okay? yea,I am working.. I am good why do you ask? they both just looked at each other with silly smirks on their faces. I hugged them puzzled on the importance of the visit.After the strongest hugs I think I have ever received they left the salon.. I realize now that yes, I had a rough run for a while but I still have family that cares a great deal about me. Even if I was unaware of the warning sign I had sent out.

I believe in counseling because after 9 months of a great counselor I had a dream of swimming in the ocean with colored ping pong balls floating next to me... I could even stand up in the middle of the ocean. So when you can go from drowning to being able to stand up in the middle of the ocean anywhere you want.. the healing has not just begun but it is here to stay..

I dreamed last night that I was changing a baby girl diapers that was about 2 years old. She had curly hair and smiled like Kylan. As I looked up I saw my brother Brian in the room. He was about 35 years dressed in a light colored grey suit. He looked down at me and reached his hands toward the baby. "Let me hold that baby" Brian said with his waterfall hair partially in his beautiful green eyes. I handed him the curly hair baby, as I was standing up at the same time. He said," I feel so good now, I'm not sick anymore.
He looked at me, Erin he said, " we need to celebrate life more" , I know you and Randy both drink Champlain and I got you a split.(they are two small bottles).I smiled at Brian and said," your right Brian we need to celebrate life more. I woke up, still feeling his presents. My bedroom has a misty feeling to it.. My thoughts all day have kept on celebrating each other. On Sunday I had gone to see Tony, and that was one of the things we talked about... we as a family through out this blog are celebrating life, our family living or not.. we are all still together.